I am not a big fan of Valentine's Day. Why? Because back when you could send Valentine's gifts to school I was one of the unpopular girls who did not go home with balloons and ribbons trailing behind me and so many flowers and cards that someone else had to carry my books. Yes- it was jealousy, pure and simple, and so now I just have an aversion to a holiday that, it seems to me, forces people to do something nice for the ones they say they love. Now, if I expected him to, I know that my sweet husband would send me loads of flowers and heart-shaped boxes of candy, but by now he knows me better than that. A handwritten note on March 3 for no reason whatsoever means so much more that an overpriced Hallmark on February 14th!

I wonder if God feels the same way about me? I am in church every Sunday and "lead the worship", which is church language for organizing the music and making sure that the band, who really does all of the work, is on the same page. I listen to the Lord and let His Spirit lead me as to how to lead a congregation of people to His throne so that we can join in with the voices around it and be changed as we are in His Presence. And God is always faithful- I love my job! And then, Monday morning comes. And there is no stage, and no band, and no congregation watching me in expectation. Do I keep the worship coming? Or do I only put effort and thought into it when feel like I have to? To do that is like only professing my feelings for someone I say I love when Walmart puts out the red and white decorations. I don't want to receive something that my husband feels like he "has to" give me, I want to receive something he just can't wait to give me. Don't you think that God feels no differently?

So, Lord, I am sorry for all of the times I have let other people do the talking for me, like going the easy route with a Hallmark card instead of a heart-felt love letter. And help me to listen to the Holy Spirit to have more spontaneous outburts of expressing my love for you and not waiting until some occasion to let you know how wonderful I think You are, how grateful I am for Your grace and patience, and how desperate my heart is to be more like You and to impact this world with the love that You show me- on Valentine's Day and every other day of the year.