I am not a big fan of Valentine's Day. Why? Because back when you could send Valentine's gifts to school I was one of the unpopular girls who did not go home with balloons and ribbons trailing behind me and so many flowers and cards that someone else had to carry my books. Yes- it was jealousy, pure and simple, and so now I just have an aversion to a holiday that, it seems to me, forces people to do something nice for the ones they say they love. Now, if I expected him to, I know that my sweet husband would send me loads of flowers and heart-shaped boxes of candy, but by now he knows me better than that. A handwritten note on March 3 for no reason whatsoever means so much more that an overpriced Hallmark on February 14th!

I wonder if God feels the same way about me? I am in church every Sunday and "lead the worship", which is church language for organizing the music and making sure that the band, who really does all of the work, is on the same page. I listen to the Lord and let His Spirit lead me as to how to lead a congregation of people to His throne so that we can join in with the voices around it and be changed as we are in His Presence. And God is always faithful- I love my job! And then, Monday morning comes. And there is no stage, and no band, and no congregation watching me in expectation. Do I keep the worship coming? Or do I only put effort and thought into it when feel like I have to? To do that is like only professing my feelings for someone I say I love when Walmart puts out the red and white decorations. I don't want to receive something that my husband feels like he "has to" give me, I want to receive something he just can't wait to give me. Don't you think that God feels no differently?

So, Lord, I am sorry for all of the times I have let other people do the talking for me, like going the easy route with a Hallmark card instead of a heart-felt love letter. And help me to listen to the Holy Spirit to have more spontaneous outburts of expressing my love for you and not waiting until some occasion to let you know how wonderful I think You are, how grateful I am for Your grace and patience, and how desperate my heart is to be more like You and to impact this world with the love that You show me- on Valentine's Day and every other day of the year.

I Was There

This has been one of those weeks (and it is only Tuesday!) when schooling and mothering is an effort, a real job! I know that all of my friends have weeks like this too, so I thought I would share with you a poem my husband wrote last Mother's Day for me that I have framed and in a prominent place in the house so I can read it as encouragement whenever I need to, which is often. I stand in the kitchen, and read these words and I ALWAYS cry- every single time because they speak to the very core of who I am and the things that I struggle with. Let me say, he is not normally a poet, but this blew me out of the water and is most definitely Divinely inspired!! Hope you enjoy it!

I Was There

When you were awake wondering if you were a good mother,
I was awake with you to assure you that your Father approved of you.
When nobody knew you were folding clothes late into the night,
I was unfolding the plans I have for you and your little ones.
When you were making space to avoid being cramped in your home,
I was making room for you to rest in My lap.
When you felt nobody noticed or appreciated your daily efforts,
I was grateful to you for taking care of what I had entrusted to you.
When you were covered in dirt, snot and food from your children,
I was showing you how I love to shower you with blessings.
When you were exhausted to the point of collapse,
I was there to hold you up and help you carry on.
When you went hungry to ensure your children's lunch was made,
I was there to fill you with My Word you had studied.
When you wept over the distance you felt from your children growing up,
I was there to hold you close to Me.
When you lay down tonight and begin to tell me about your day,
I will tell you to rest well, knowing I was pleased, because I was there.

David Kemp
May 2008

Smart Investing

David and I were blessed this weekend to have 3 days all to ourselves in Savannah- a trip made possible by our generous church that gave us a gift certificate to a hotel for Pastor Appreciation Sunday back in the fall. We left the kids at home with Nanny and Papa (thank you thank you thank you if you are reading this!) and spent time being a couple instead of mommy and daddy for a few days.

On the way home today we were riding in that wonderful, comfortable silence and all of a sudden I could feel worry settling in on me. Now, I am not a spender- I am a saver and a bargain queen. My husband is the spender and the visionary in this relationship. So I started thinking about the money that we had spent, and although we had it to spend and it had not put a strain on our finances, I began to worry that we should have spent it on something else- what I don't know- but something necessary and practical. With 4 kids there is always something that they need, or want, and if pressed I could name a hundred things we could have bought. And David could tell by the way that I was "soffering" (that is another post for another time) that something was bothering me, so I fessed up. And immediately this man of wisdom stopped me in my tracks, and said he did not want to hear it, in so many words. He proceeded to explain to me that this weekend was an investment in something that was valuable and important and that affected all of the other parts of our lives. That every penny we spent represented the fact that we valued this relationship.

We are reading a book together (read: I am reading it and them summarizing for him) that deals with the subject of honor and what it means to a follower of Christ and in His kingdom. Honor is valuing another person, whether they act honorable or not, because you are honorable. It means making an investment in someone because of how God sees them and not how they look to you. And as we rode along today, I let God help me grasp hold of that truth and how it applies to my marriage and how I treat others in my life.

People invest in companies that they feel are worth something and will give them a return. They take a "gamble", if you will, on the future of that investment, that it will increase and bring them a profit. And they show their trust by putting their money into that company to use and to prosper. I saw that I have been at fault by forgetting to invest in my marriage but still expecting a good return, by giving it the leftovers and yet wanting it to perform like a Fortune 500 company. I'm not suggesting spending money that you do not have on a weekend away- financial irresponsibility only brings more stress into a marriage, and I know that first hand. What I am suggesting is that maybe you, like me, need to start honoring your marriage, valuing it highly because of how God sees it and not necessarily how you see it. Life is busy and the days sometimes go by in a blur, but what I call important to me I will always find time for.

I started thinking of ways that I could invest in David today, in us. And my Investment Counsellor began to give me lots of ideas, which makes sense, because He set up the account between my husband and I. And I thought of the Scripture where Jesus tells us to store up our treasures where they can not rust or be destroyed.(Luke 12:33, 34) There is no cause or company on this earth that can mean more to me than the incredibly handsome, kind, unselfish, God-pursuing man that I have the privilege of calling my husband. So I think that I'll increase my investment in that undestroyable, rust-proof treasure called my marriage- I know the returns are out of this world.

Lesson from a 3rd Birthday

My baby is 3 today. I am sitting beside her while she takes a special "Birthday Bubble Bath", to be followed by a "Birthday Nap," culminating in an exciting Birthday Party hosted by none other than Chucky Cheese himself! So far today, she has had about 5 phone calls, numerous snacks, 3 birthday cards created by her siblings, one of which had quarters taped all over it, a manicure with hot pink nail polish performed by her sister, and a pedicure given by her older brother that included a foot soak and a nail massage. She is definitely the queen for the day! She can not remember how old she is today, but will quickly tell you that she is "not 2 anymore!"

Oh the joy of being 3 years old! I have been fighting tears all day because she is the baby and probably (don't laugh!) the last of the Kemp Clan. But the near tears are also at her joy and happiness over everything this day is bringing her, the simple delight in being celebrated for her life. She has sung "Happy Birthday to Me" at least a dozen times and it includes a little dance choreographed by Lydia herself.

So this has me to thinking, why don't I act this way on my birthday? I have kind of been dreading this year: the big 35 that is supposed to make me depressed and feel old, as some have told me. Lydia has been planning this "pink birthday" since her 2nd birthday a year ago! I have been sort of pretending that mine is not coming in a few months, much less picking out the decor.

So what make me lose that childlike perspective on something I know I am going to face every single year that I am still breathing?

Here is my opinion: Adults don't get gaga over their birthdays because rather than facing the year ahead with excitement about what it could bring, they are facing it with fear and dread, with an expectation of negative rather than positive. Lydia just can't wait to live another year, or actually just another day- she doesn't look any farther into the future than that. But we grown ups are so "mature" that we think because we have experience in this world and know a few things that to feel excitement and joy over another year on this earth is naive. Oh Lord, save us from ourselves!

Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has a great plan for my life, to prosper me, to give me hope and a good future, not to harm me. Now, I have quoted this a thousand times, mostly to people that I am counselling, but do I spout it as a line that sounds good, or do I really believe it for myself? That year # 36 that starts on April 30th for me, will be full of all the good things that God has planned- prosperity, hope, greater and deeper revelations of His love and grace? I want to say that I have hidden that Word in my heart, but I am wondering if maybe I just have let it sit in my mind and go no farther.

Thank God for the lessons our children teach us. Lord, let me be a ready learner and heed the truths that come hidden in birthday cake and brightly wrapped gifts. Now, do I want a "pink birthday" this year, or maybe green...