Reluctant Soldier

I know that I am a soldier.

I mean, I have been singing about it since Sunday School at age 3, "I'm in the Lord's Army...", zooming over the enemy, riding in the Calvary. I have read and reread the Scriptures about the armor, and fighting the good fight. And there are days that I wake up ready to be on the front lines, the Sword of the Spirit in my hand and in my mouth and in my mind.

But then there are the other days. The days that I am a reluctant soldier, a weary infantryman and even at times, a wounded one. The days that just picking up my Sword feels awfully difficult and my battle-weary mind can't seem to wrap around the truths that I need to "gird up my loins." When making breakfast for 4 children seems like an all out war, I can't even begin to consider what the assault will be like when we open up our books for school.

These are the days that I am so glad, so blessed, so rescued, by the fact that this is not a war of one, and I am not standing alone facing an enemy, who, though I know he is defeated, I sometimes allow to convince me that he is not. These days that being in the Lord's Army overwhelms me are the days that our Commander In Chief sends other soldiers to come beside me, to hold my hand, or behind me, to lift me up, or in front of me, for me to follow their example. When I see others who are enlisted and facing battles so much greater than mine, yet are walking in victory and truth as they fix their eyes on the Prize. I shake off my failure, my doubt, my laziness, and I am encouraged to stand beside them , to join the brethern, the band of warriors and to walk out this day living by the Orders I've been given and driven by Love, responding to Love, warring for Love.

Thank you, fellow soldiers- you know who you are! Mothers, fathers, friends, bloggers, homeschooling moms, grocery check-out clerks, mail deliverers, lawn maintainers. Keep the faith, fight the good fight, put on your armor and think of the others just like you that you have lifted up by your example, and the of the One who did not despair but keep His eyes on the joy set before Him. On to the battle!

Splinters of Sin

Sometimes it's the little things, the smallest things, the things that we can't see for ourselves, that cause us pain.



My husband brought me the tweezers this morning, propped up his foot in front of me, and said, "Do you see anything there? I can't see it, and something hurt me all day yesterday."



I shined my booklight on his foot, and there is was- a tiny, tiny splinter, right in the center, that came out with barely a pull.



He expressed his relief- ahhhhhh- and went on, getting ready for work, to start another day. "Thank you so much- that feels so much better," he said, and was uniformed up and off to work again.



And then I sat down with my Bible and these words came off the page- "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by Whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." Ephesians 4:30

Yes, a splinter's a small thing, but it grieved my sweet spouse all day. It bothered him while he worked. It was on his mind, something invisible to his eye, but annoying to his body.

How "big" does the sin have to be to be a grievance to what the Holy Spirit wants to do in my life? Is a lie big enough? Or a word of gossip disguised as a prayer request? Or maybe I consider an affair, or stealing to be the size of sin that begins to affect me?

I need a light shined on the offense to help me see what it is that is causing me pain, a strong, powerful Light, the Light of the world. And sometimes I need someone else that I trust enough to ask to shine the Light for me, to help me to find and point out the thing that needs to be removed.

And ahhh, the relief when the splinter's gone, the ease of walking again with nothing to hinder me.

Thank you Father, that You love me enough to want me to be splinter free, sin free, hinderance free, grievance free. Shine Your Light on me to show me what needs to be removed, and give me the courage to ask those You've placed in life what they might see that causes me pain because it keeps me from You.

Thinking about God

She'd taken the discipline like a big girl.
She understood the reason for it;
disobedience had no excuse,
and she understood.

We talked about obedience, and discussed forgiveness,
she cried a little, and I carried out the spanking.
We prayed.
"Help us, Father, to obey the first time, cheerfully,
and well."

I held her tight, snuggled her up, restoring our closeness,
then she said:

"I'm just going to sit here a minute and think about God."

She huddled under that blanket, still.
Thinking.
A quiet moment passed,
receiver of discipline, thinking about God.
Giver of discipline, thinking about God.

A kiss, and she was down, gone on,
all restored, forgiven and back to play,
confident that her next encounter with obedience would be different.

She'd been still.
She'd thought about Him.
And I had too, led to the throne of forgiveness
by the little one who I was trying to teach the way.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
"All discipline for the moment seems to be sorrowful;
yet to those who have been trained by it,
afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."
Hebrews 12:11

New Year Cleaning

I am selfish.
And sometimes ungrateful.
Sometimes I yell at my children,
and I have been known to be impatient. (!)
There are times that I am negative and discouraging,
and at times I operate out of more fear than faith.
Perfectionism, criticism, doubt, busyness:
these have all been known to be my companions.

No, I'm not proud of that list at all. In fact, I'm ashamed.
I'm embarrassed.
But as I began a few weeks ago to think about the new year,
to clean out closets, and under beds,
cabinets and drawers,
I begin to sense that the Spirit was calling me out for a cleaning, too.
For some hidden things to be wiped off, and dusted,
and brought out into the open for some contact with the Light.
And during this process, He has been so gentle, and so kind,
and I have hung my head in shame before Him to see the things that He sees-
sin.
No other word to describe it, no covering up with better sounding words like "mistake",
or "character-flaw"-
just sin.

But oh, the grace that flows down when I face the Truth,
the Beauty of the Mercy that covers my shame,
and the joy of the cleansing.

There is so much peace that comes when I face my sin and say,
"This is ugly. This is wrong. This is hurting my relationship with You."
As I pull it all out and put it before Him,
showing Him all the "hidden" things that are never hidden from Him,
"He is faithful and just to forgive me from my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. "
1 John 1:9
The Word becomes Life in my life,
and I trade my filthy rags for His robe of righteousness.

In my house, the smell of Pine Sol, comforting to me,
sends the message that I have been at work to get things ready for the New Year.
Fresh, clean.
And in my soul, His blood has done the same.
Thank You, Father.
I start this year with so much appreciation for Your grace, Your mercy,
Your bringing out into the open the things that are dirty and making them clean.

Joy, peace, kindness.
Patience, perseverance, faith.
Rest, waiting.

Now, this list,
this list of things You bring as I live in Your Spirit,
this is a list I can be proud of.
Ahh, the pleasure of being clean.
Happy New Year, Lord!

Wow- an 8 month update!

I guess this happens to lots of bloggers- we have great intentions of posting here all the things that are going on in our lives, what we are learning, and what God is doing... and then we get so wrapped up in what is going on in our lives and what we are learning and what God is doing that we forget or don't have the time to put it into a blog! Makes me think about the difference between my sister and I when it comes to cameras: she has an interest in photography and is really good at it and so whenever we go somewhere she always has a camera and takes great shots of her kids and my kids and all the action, and posts the results for everyone to see. Me, I either forget the camera or if I bring it I get all wrapped up in what is going on and talking to people and then I realize when I get home I don't have a single photo to share. Thank the Lord my sister is generous and gives me all the ones of my kids!

I guess what I'm trying to say is I wish that I had had the time, or made the time, to write about what great things God has done in the past 8 months, and what struggles I have gone thru and learned from, and what incredible experiences I have had, just like sometimes I wish I had a photo book of pictures from things I have experienced and done. But truth be told, I have just been too wrapped up in living to put it down on paper, or rather, online. I'm going to try to do better, to be more consistent... but no promises... and it makes me so grateful for the people who are the ones taking the photos and whose fingers fly fast across the keys keeping me updated on all the things they are experiencing in their lives. Now where did I put that camera...

"The Day The Locks Were Changed"

I got an email today from a friend of mine who pastors Legacy Outreach here in Spartanburg. He's preaching a series of sermons on addictive behavior and God gave him this poem Sunday morning. It is such a visual of how we get into situations that we never thought possible when we step away from God's grace and try to live a religious life instead of one that is powered by the Holy Spirit of God living within me, when I begin to live in secret instead of in the Secret Place of the Almighty God. I asked him if I could share this with all of you because maybe there is someone out there that could use this warning. Thank God for His grace, His mercy, His restoration and His kindness, which as the Bible teaches, is what brings us to repentance.


"The Day The Locks Were Changed"

I had a place that no one knew
That I would often go.
It all began as innocent;
At least, I thought it so.

It started out an empty room
No furnishings, all swept.
But soon I had it all fixed up
Where secret things are kept.

I could leave at any time
Because I had the key.
But what I didn't realize
The prisoner was me.

One day, when I went inside
Things had been re-arranged.
Something here was different;
The locks had all been changed.

Birthed in curiosity,
Fed by selfish greed;
My secret world had just become
A place for all to see.

This place that used to bring me joy
Where I could slip away
Has now cost me an awful price
That I can never pay.

My family all have broken hearts;
Relationships dismembered.
And now all of the good I've done
Will never be remembered.

If I'd believed the Word of God,
What's written on its pages;
I would have known I'm not exempt
From paying Satan's wages.

Manning Strickland, 2009

***If you would like to share this with someone else, please be certain to give Pastor Manning credit for it! Thanks!

Watching it all develop...

I am blogging from my comfy spot in my bed with my littlest one beside me- where we have been for a couple of hours recovering from a long week too full of great activities that just wore us out! I was checking out some blogs of a couple of friends of mine and realized that it had been too long since I had posted- not because I have had nothing to say but I have had too much to pin down. God is teaching me and my family so much right now so fast and so intensely that I just told a friend of mine that I feel as if I have been in supernatural bootcamp for the past few months. It's a great place to be, an exciting place to be- but also a place that is hard to describe. How do you put into words what it is like for the God of the Universe to speak to you in a way that you did not know was possible, to open your eyes to things about yourself that you never would want to admit, and to do it all with such kindness and such patience and tenderness that your heart turns toward Him in a way that you never thought it could? So every time I have sat down to the computer to say, "Wow- listen to this!", the words just have not come.

Sitting here, trying to figure out why I have had so much difficulty figuring out what to say (and if you know me, you know that I never have trouble figuring out what to say!), I think it is because I needed to let it sit inside me and develop for a while, kind of like a Polaroid picture. If you take the picture, you know what should show up on the film, but there is so much excitement in sitting there watching that square go from white to a recognizable image. You look at it so intently to see the edge of a surface, or the outline of someone's hair, then you can see the shape of their body, maybe, and next a little color on their clothes, and all of a sudden there is the thing you took a picture of in all of its glory, just like you saw through the little viewfinder. That is how it has been with me and all that God is teaching me. I have heard Him and experienced Him, there has been an "image" placed before me of what message I believe He is writing on my heart. But living it out and really grasping it has been the same as slowly watching the picture show up- and I think I needed that space to see that what He said is not just true in theory but also true in practice, that He can develop His image in my life if I allow Him to.


I am so grateful to be a part of the incredible things that God is doing in the world at this time in history! Come quickly, Lord Jesus- let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, and let me be a part of seeing it all unfold and develop- in me, around me, through me. Blessed be your Name!